Volunteering & Volunteer Students

I recently sat for five hours with half a dozen women (and one man with a real gift for ironing) as they assisted the costumer for Greasepaint Youtheatre’s upcoming production of Oliver! I too wielded the needle and thread but fear I shouldn’t have been so armed under the influence of heavy duty cold meds.

Somewhere today there are cast members or costumers pulling out their hair, and my stitches, in an effort to salvage the remains of sewing projects gone horribly awry. I can only beg for their forgiveness, and promise in the future to poise my pen rather than my seam ripper.

Am I the only middle-aged mom who fears my eyes and fingers—and so many other body parts—are turning on me just when I need them the most?

Yet as we chatted, I gleaned all kinds of insights into the world of young performing artists and the people who love them. Turns out my fellow volunteers were experts in all kinds of things (parents usually are), including what to look for when considering a performing arts experience for your child.

Many have children who’ve auditioned and/or performed for several Valley theater companies, and all had terrific suggestions for other parents preparing to hit the performing arts scene with their talented kids. Ever wondered what to look for in a quality theater experience for your child? Here’s what they suggested (with a few of my own observations thrown into the mix)…

Assume that the best ideas are theirs. I’m still in cold meds detox and many of these parents—including a mom preparing a move to Southern California so her teenage son can try his hand at several television pilots—are infinitely more experienced than I.

Learn what you can about expectations for performers. How often do children rehearse and perform? The younger your child or the more rigorous your child’s academic program, the more you may struggle with demanding schedules (daily rehearsals, late nights, etc.). Check the show’s calendar when your child auditions so you know what will be expected time-wise if your child is cast in the production.

Also check on expectations for parents. Will you need to attend one or more mandatory parent meetings? What type and amount of volunteer work is expected (ushering, supervising young cast members backstage, etc.)? High expectations aren’t necessarily a bad thing, just something you want to be aware of. (Remember when volunteering that s/he who signs up first has best choice of jobs and dates/times!)

Consider what may be required financially. Some theaters ask or require that families sell a minimum number of tickets (most let you count your own tickets toward the total, so this may not be a problem if you want to be in the audience multiple times). Others may expect families to buy costumes and/or accessories (tights, shoes, etc.). Also ask whether families are expected to participate in fundraising (selling raffle tickets, attending fundraising events, etc.).

Take note of safety-related issues. Are slipping or falling hazards minimized? Are potentially hazardous materials like paint removers kept out of children’s reach? Is nighttime lighting adequate? Are children properly supervised? Are drop-off and pick-up locations safe and secure? Every parent has his or her own standards, so just assure yours are a good match for the company/venue your child is working with.

Observe whether adults are behaving appropriately. Many years ago, I was shocked to see experienced theater professionals swearing or smoking while surrounded by children. You’ll lose some sway over this as your child gets older and performs in more mature venues, but it is certainly something you don’t have to accept for your child when he or she is very young. Hopefully adult volunteers are on their best behavior too.

Also consider the behavior of young performers. Are they respectful of their teachers, even when teachers have left the room or made an unpopular decision? Do they gossip or bully one another, or are they supportive and genuinely nice to fellow performers? You’re always free to ask about written behavior guidelines (parents and students sign codes of conduct before students can participate in Arizona’s annual thespian festival) and the consequences for performers who don’t meet these expectations.

Notice the way things are organized and communicated. Do children start and finish at scheduled times? Are schedule changes communicated both verbally and in writing? Are volunteer hours logged accurately and consistently? Do you get plenty of advance notice when your child needs to gather make-up or other supplies? Do you have phone numbers for key players in case of emergency or questions about the production?

For some parents, practical matters carry a lot of weight. Are rehearsal and performance venues within a reasonable driving distance? Can you balance the needs of multiple siblings while taxiing one child to and from the theater nearly every day? I love the approach of one mom I spoke with—she makes sure siblings get to attend their sister’s performance with friends in tow. That way it’s a fun event for them too, rather than merely a show of support for their sib.

Other parents evaluate companies and venues with more forward looking fervor. One stage mom I know says she refuses to let her child perform at the same theater for more than two successive shows. She wants to assure he is a versatile performer, accustomed to a wide variety of rehearsal spaces, stages and even directors and other professionals. While some parents prefer the comfort of a single director who can really get to know their child over time, others prefer that their child work with the greatest number of qualified professionals as possible.

It never hurts to consider the personal qualities and professional qualifications of teachers, directors or others who work with your child in a performing arts setting. One parent might favor a strict ballet teacher, while another may prefer a teacher who takes a gentler tone. (It’s clear the Oliver! kids genuinely respect and admire director D. Scott Withers, enjoying his balance of strict professionalism with supportive personality.)

I’m not suggesting you volunteer with ulterior motives, but it has occurred to me while writing this piece that there are many things I only know because I volunteer. Eavesdropping is tacky. Don’t do it. But being present for your child, and getting a feel for the environments where your child spends time, is practically written into your job description as a parent. (But don’t hover—your child and the staff will want to arm wrestle for the privilege of chasing you out the door!)

Gossiping is as tasteless for grown-ups as it is for children, so take what you know with you when you go. The only thing I uncovered backstage at Stagebrush is that some folks are too kind to tell volunteers to use the lobby restrooms instead of the restrooms off the wings. No real scandal here. Just embarrassment. (This is the type of thing fellow parents ought to share with one another.)

Please tell me this too has happened to you. Who knew one could make such a commotion in the loo?

You can apply many of these musings to a variety of performing arts settings—camps, shows, classes and more. Only you know the nature and extent of your expectations when your child is participating in a music, dance or theater experience. But we all have one thing in common—we’re better off when we take time to reflect on our values and expectations ahead of time.

You won’t always have a feel for these things in advance. Like much of parenting, there’s wisdom in experience, and sometimes only trial and error take you closer to your true comfort zone. Don’t be afraid to ask. Don’t be afraid to fail. Your child is learning right alongside you about how to make choices about how and where to spend his or her time and energy.

Sometimes they need to learn these things on their own, but when you can share the journey, embrace it. They are little for only so long…

–Lynn

Coming soon: Reflections (of parents and performers) on mature theater for youth. (Have an opinion on the new television series Glee? Too racy or right on? Let me know by commenting below!)